Always Be
by Shanaleia
Summary: This is a fanfiction about what BB's life was like before he became the person behind the LABB Murder Cases.
1. Letter

"Friends... We're friends aren't we?"

Those are the last words that I heard from him that night...

Being in the Wammy's House was kinda a bore until I met him. He was really smart and enthusiastic.

Oh, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself. I used to be "Backup", but everyone just calls me "B" instead.

Yeah, yeah, a friend of mine called "Mello" told you about the case involving me being the killer of the Los Angeles Locked Room Murders and gave a small hint on what my motive was.

And just to make things clear, I am only writing this to explain my actions, my past, and why I despise the detective we know as "L".

Before I started the killings, I was a child with a troubled mind. I became partners with the a boy called "A". Now you may think that having aliases in a orphanage is really strange to say the very least. But it's quite normal if you're in Wammy's House, and for a good reason. However, I won't be the one explaining this today.

Anyways quite frankly, I found him annoying at first but I eventually tagged along just because I had nothing better to do and I had no other friends. But over some time, we became very close friends despite our obvious differences. He was more cheerful and kindhearted, and I am the definition of a trouble child that look like I am always up to no good.

We accelerated in our studies but in the same time, we would enjoy a bit of pranking from time to time. And other times, I would just join A if he ends up helping another kid.

Heh... The good old days honestly made me happy.

Everything was alright until 1988... The year when they started choosing who L's successor should be.


	2. Stress Happiness Where Are We Again?

Since both me and A are the top students, we were both supposed to compete for the role. And since I knew that A always wanted to be like L, I intentionally held back my grades a just a little.

When he found out that I was doing this for him, he felt a bit worthless. Of course, he seem like he had gotten over it after a while. Even if we were supposed to be against each other, we are still very close.

A few months after that, he started to seem more... Depressed.

He isn't as cheery as he once was. In fact, he became far more stressful. There were times that he would need to vent on something. It can be from ranting in a fast pace, to me making wara ningyo dolls for him to destroy if he is that stressed.

As more time went on, he started to be more calm again. And thank goodness, making a lot of new wara ningyo dolls in a short amount of time is a pain in the ass to be honest. I even asked him to buy me some jam in town as payment for the wara ningyo dolls I made for him previously. FREE JAM FOR ME.

*Ahem* where are we again?

Oh, right! We met a few new friends, and they were said to be the next generation of L's successors once one of us claims the title. And because of this, A guided them in their academics because he knows that it will be a long way. And we basically are like a team of five by this point.

We got 'Asshole', 'Beyond Trash', 'Goggles', 'Cocoa Blondie', and 'Demon Doll'.

Of course, just like the original duo, we all were being mischievous and great at grades. But with a few new additions. We have sleepover group studies and star gazing pretty much almost every friday and weekend nights. Also, we have a tendency to make fun of each other just for shits and giggles (hence the idiotic nicknames).

The idea of balancing our stupid successor work and our freetime fun was really great. It felt like we didn't have to worry too much if we kept hanging out and be happy.

But there's something I still don't understand. We're all happy in life now, no one has gone fucking crazy. But I still see the sad look at his eyes.

I swear to god, whenever I know A is lying to be okay, I just wanna disgust him with weird jam noises just to make him tell the truth.


	3. Curses

One evening, I noticed that one of my wara ningyo dolls were missing. A was nowhere to be seen as well. I tried to look around, only to find him in the garden... Nailing the missing wara ningyo to the tree.

As friends, we share things that we like and have knowledge of. He introduced me to novels and manga, and I introduced him to things like curses and talismans (mostly Japanese ones). So naturally, I told him about wara ningyo dolls.

They can be used to protect people from plagues and evil spirits by placing it by a road. However, you can curse anyone with it by putting at least a strand of hair in the doll and nail it by the heart on a tree.

From what I can tell, I can actually see a tied lock of hair on the doll he nailed. It's not mine or any of our friends... It was his own hair.

When we went back inside, he told me that it was nothing and laughed it off.

He's not fooling me, he was trying to curse himself.

But why?...


	4. Eyes

For the past few days, I've been keeping an eye on A just in case anything happens to him.

Oh wait, right.

I almost forgot that I can see his day of death.

I haven't used this ability for a long time because it scared me as a child, since I somehow predicted when my parents will die.

I hesitated and used them to check A's lifespan...

Oh no...

A only has a 6 days left.

Only if I have the ability to extend it.

But I unfortunately can't do so even if I want to.

This is why I hate my ability sometimes.

No one can explain to me what is up with my eyes. I asked my parents about this before, and they told me that I just got it from both of them. Not enough information. They don't even tell me what my ability is called.

Anyways, that's enough of that. Once again, I lost A.

Jeez, would this guy ever stop doing that? But hey, he's my best friend afterall.

Sometime in the afternoon, Mello told me that Near wants to try star gazing later that evening even if it's Wednesday. Not in our usual schedule.

But since I heard that there might be a few shooting stars (which is rare), why not?

It can also make A's final days more happier...


	5. Stars

Speaking of which, I still can't find him anywhere.

After looking around a bit more, I gave up and took a jam break. Just when I was done with the last spoonful of it, A finally shows up.

A explained that Mello also told him about the star gazing thing, so he went to town to buy extra snacks and a few more books, including one that is about astrology.

It's already 6pm, we should start setting up the hangout spot. Mello helps Near set up a telescope while me, A, and Matt organize the picnic area. Watari, the owner and founder of Wammy's House, saw what we were doing. He knows that it is not in our usual schedule, but told us to have fun anyways.

This next bit may not be important to the overall story, but Linda and her group were actually planning to join us. However, they were either caught up with unfinished homework or simply lazy. So none of them can go.

Anyways, back to the story.

Now it's 8pm, it's already such a beautiful night. The moon is nowhere to be seen, but that's a good thing considering that it's usually harder to see stars if the moon is shining. You can also feel the gentle flow of the wind and the cicadas' cries.

So far, everything was great. We managed to see a few shooting stars before it just stopped, then started spotting different constellations and making up our own. And again, we're having fun.

I look at A for a bit, the sadness in his eyes are still there. Just when Matt and Mello were about to make their usual crude jokes about some of the constellations, A excused himself and asked me to go with him back inside.

The night was beautiful, but it isn't even enough to cheer him up.


	6. Confession

We were both in our dimly lit room.

I asked him what was going on and why do we have to be away from the group to discuss it.

A seemed to hesitate for a while. It was silent for who knows how long, then finally he broke the silence.

He told me that he'll show me something, but I have to promise not to tell anyone. I agreed then he took a deep breath.

He pulled down the collar of his turtleneck sweatshirt... I see rope marks.

Oh, another thing I forgot to tell you... A had depression. It was normal for me to occasionally to go with him when he visits the psychiatrist and see him drink medication.

However, I didn't realize that it was this bad...

A explained that he didn't try it only once. He didn't tell me exactly how many times but all I know that he survives every single time.

He wanted to tell me this for a very long time now, but he was thinking that it may make me worry a lot or even destroy our friendship.

I told him that he should've told me sooner, I wanted to help him get through it.

But remembering about his lifespan, I think that it's already too late...

Far too late...

A already confessed about his secret, it's time I confessed mine.

Now, A already knew I can see lifespans. To test it, he asked me to check F's lifespan during his last visit. At that time, he had seven weeks and two days left. Sure enough, he died while on a mission.

Back to the story again. I confessed that I used the eyes again on him this morning, and said that his remaining lifespan is six days.

A just chuckled and told me not to worry about it.

After that whole conversation, we went back to our group. Near had already fallen asleep while the other two we're just eating.

We try to enjoy the rest of the night before we clean the area and went back to our rooms.

I'm extremely worried about A even more now that he confessed to being suicidal. Now I can determine on what his cause of death will be: it's obviously going to be suicide.

But I doubt that he will use hanging because he keeps on surviving his previous attempts. So finding out how he will do it this time around will be even trickier.


	7. Watchdog

The next morning, I woke up to A reading his books.

Today is Thursday, 5 more days until his death.

When we were having our lessons, I sat next to him as usual but I didn't pay attention in class this time.

At lunch time, I was inspecting his food to make sure he didn't try to add poison or anything. He got a bit annoyed with that, so I stopped.

In Criminology class later that afternoon, I made sure that he isn't getting any ideas. In the same time, I'll observe him to try to figure out what method of suicide will he use.

Dinner time rolls around. Again, I did the same thing from lunch. But this time, I stare at him when I'm done eating.

A was weirded out by my behavior for the day. Sure, he knows I have rather bizarre habits. But this was different, so he felt really uncomfortable with what was I trying to do.

And finally, our free time. A, despite being scared from my recent behavior, wanted me to study with him as we always did.

Studying won't matter to me anymore.

Why? Because if A is gone, I'm gone.

The insanity from my child self will come back and wreck havoc everywhere.

But despite that mindset, I agreed. These are his final days afterall. I just want to make sure he is happy.

Perhaps, maybe it could extend his life a bit longer.

I repeated everything the next day. A tries to tell me that he's alright. Liar.

It's Friday night now, meaning that it's our group study schedule. Matt, Mello, and Near arrived in our room with their sleepover stuff. There are no classes in the weekends like normal schools, so we're fine with having this kind of activity.

We read books and gave each other facts and occasional jokes here and there. There are also times that we just play some video games before we eventually realized that it's very late in the evening and just went to bed.

I woke up with a pillow thrown to my face. Jeez, it looks like it's still 4:30 in the early morning or something. Matt seemed worried.

I asked what's wrong and when I look across the room, I realized that A is gone. I went around the hallway and saw him trying to silently run down the stairs.

A, what the hell?...

I followed him without getting spotted. We're on the ground floor and I saw him open a window then went out. When I hid in one of the bushes, I noticed that he just stood by the gates for a few seconds then ran back inside and closed the window. Okay?... What was he doing? It was too dark and there are no street lights on our road.

Thankfully, he forgot to lock the window. So I went back in without him noticing. But instead of using the usual stairs, I ran as fast as I could on a different one. I don't want him to know that I followed him.

I made it a long while before A reached our room. I told Matt to just sleep and everything was alright. He just went back and I did too. A entered the room and went back to bed.

I'm quite curious, what was he doing standing outside for only a few seconds then come back inside?


	8. Strolling Around Town

Three more days... I am scared.

Thank goodness it's Saturday today.

Let's be honest here, we all wanted the weekends to come if you're a student. Whether you are a child or a young adult, it is always the best time to give zero fucks about school... Unless they give you weekend assignments ofcourse.

The three that have stayed overnight went back to their rooms and just do their normal activities later, but they gave us their shopping lists before they did. As for me and A, we're going to town for a bit again. Usually, it's only A who goes out to town among us in the group. I would occasionally go with him as well because of boredom.

But for today, it's for protective reasons.

Once we made it to the shopping district, I am weary of what A would be buying. Once again, I'm watching him like a hawk. The paranoia is real.

Let me ask you this, if you were to know the exact date when the person to dearest to you will die, how would you feel and react?

However, I let my guard down when we arrived in the café that makes my favorite homemade strawberry jam. What? I have my own set of problems that I still need to fix you know?

After eating there for a bit and buying a lot of bottles of jam, we went over the shopping list. First stop: The candy store.

Mello wanted some dark chocolate bars and proceeded to the game store for a new charger for Matt's 3ds, then the local toymaker for some wooden building blocks and a slingshot.

And as for the final stop, the bookstore. A loves going to this place a lot. As you can already tell by now, he's such a bookworm... A really dorky one.

After picking several novels, educational books, and manga, we have to head back right away since we're only allowed to be in town until four o'clock in the afternoon.

We distributed the items requested and just enjoyed our own free time. Which is reading peacefully.


	9. Beyond Your Birthday

We were just doing our own thing

I was reading a book about poisons while eating jam, and he was just in the other side of the room reading whatever he has over there.

We have been reading for more than an hour when A said he has a surprise for me.

He secretly bought the latest volume of Akazukin Chacha, my favorite manga series. So far, only eleven volumes has been released since the series is still ongoing. And this one was actually released just this month.

I was so happy and thanked him. Since this was unexpected, I didn't have anything to give him in return. He's alright with it, saying that he appreciates me being like a guard to him.

But not only that, he said that it's a thank you gift for helping him go through very hard times. Even in points that he seemed unapproachable.

I was about to start reading the book when he said this:

Oh, and by the way...

Happy Belated Birthday B

I couldn't believe that I forgot about my own birthday. I felt happy that he remembered it for me, but in the same time... I know this is the last time I will ever get a birthday gift from A.


End file.
